Doctor Who- Closing Time Recap

Hello fellow Whovians and welcome to the inaugural DOCTOR WHO recap- yay! Unfortunately, we happened to start re-capping DOCTOR WHO right when it’s almost over. Still, that doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy the last three episodes of the season, especially since this one had the always lovable Craig and the final two parter looks to be about as insane and action packed as about eight Pandroicas opening! So, let’s just jump right in.

If you work in a shop in England, never let the girl who is with you leave early while you stay to close up. This can result in only one thing- death and destruction.  After the lights go on and off a couple of times in a department store where only one pretty lady with bras in cleaning up- we discover this week’s mode of death and destruction THE CYBERMEN (OH NO!). The pretty lady with the bras is taken, there are some lights flickering and—look who it is, our old buddy Craig!

I sincerely hope that Moffat era WHO always ends with a social call to Craig and Sophie. Like last season, the penultimate episode allows for relative calm and humor of Craig’s little life. Turns out that the Doctor’s meddling in Craig and Sophie’s romantic life in last season’s excellent episode “The Lodger” resulted in a baby. The kind of baby that prefers to be called Stormegeddon, Dark Lord of All and refers to everyone as “not-mum” and “peasants,” you know, the kind of baby that shows up in Moffat era Who.  So Craig has a baby, Sophie is away and The Doctor comes to say hello, and notices that something is wrong AND SUDDENLY has a job in a shop selling toys to kids. I would wonder why people are always so keen to give the Doctor a job when he needs one, but I would imagine he gets them the same way he just “shhhhes” and people stop talking- timey-wimey charm power. I like how this Doctor doesn’t use the stupid name “John Smith” whenever trying to not be weird and just has them put on his nametag, “The Doctor:  Here to help.”

Who should walk into the nice department store but Craig and little baby Stormy. Now, Craig, though a little exhausted from baby duty, is not stupid and knows that because the Doctor is there, something is up. He gives a wonderful little plea for information with the lofty, “my son lives here,” line and we learn that not just the pretty lady with the bras went missing, but several people and that those people went missing around the time of the energy fluctuations. Craig says there’s new cabling and because of what some new found guilt The Doctor latches on to that and throws Craig and the baby in an elevator with a big DANGER sign on it (after a sonic screwdriver wave, of course) and then, because he is the Doctor, jumps in to explain what he thinks is going on. See, there is a teleporter that something is using to get down to earth- a teleporter that could look like anything and—HOLY SHIT, there they are, in a spaceship. The Doctor, intent that Craig doesn’t know confesses his love and really awkwardly tries to seduce him, basically giving Matt Smith and James Corden a vehicle to show off what spectacular comic chemistry they have together.  Of course, Craig notices the spaceship and screams just as the Cybermen start walking towards them and the Doctor un-does the teleporter.

Craig insists on staying with the Doctor to investigate what the Cybermen are doing and why they haven’t invaded yet- and Craig responds with a hearty, “you always win, you always survive.” Craig, bad timing—The Doctor is coming to grips with the fact that he is supposed to be killed at Lake Silencio soon, he’s going through some heavy shit, Craig and you just totally made him remember that. The Doctor isn’t mad though, no, he gives Craig a nice hug and tells him to go investigate. The Doctor goes to a nice lady, who thinks that his “partner” and the baby are very cute- it’s a nice reverse gay panic joke! And it is adorable. The Doctor wonders if partner is better than companion and it’s a nice meta joke! Investigation is done, Craig looks like a perv in the lingerie department asking around and The Doctor finds out about a silver rat robot thing that’s been zipping around.

Then the Doctor then sees Amy and Rory and wants very badly to talk to them- but hides behind a rack while he watches a little girl get Amy’s autograph. Then behind him he sees a big perfume called Petrichor (call back to The Doctor’s Wife!) ad with Amy’s face on it and the slogan “For the girl who’s tired of waiting.” So Amy is a model now, and apparently a perfume magnate because the name and slogan totally came from her, so good for you honey, make that money!

But back to the task at hand- the store closes and the Doctor, Craig and a really well behaved Stormy look for the silver rat thing, which they find and capture with great ease. A security guard is taken by a Cyberman and the Doctor, after running to find him, is knocked out by the Cyberman. He isn’t compatible though so he is ok and they head to Craig’s place. Craig pops out for some milk, opening up the time for the Doctor to teach baby Stormegeddon about existential dread and, of course, how pretty the stars are. BUT WAIT- the silver rat has woken up and wants to eat you for its dinner! The Doctor and runs out of the house with the baby, but Craig comes back just in time to get attacked. The Doctor saves him from being eaten, and they have a nice chat about how the Doctor is going to die. Tomorrow. But Craig doesn’t notice cause he’s asleep. Again Craig, seriously, there is some heavy shit the Doctor is trying to work through and you are all about the crap timing.

The Doctor then leaves in the morning to figure out what is going on, and Craig is determined to help him. So he follows the Doctor to the store with baby Stormy in a papoose because as he says, “the doctor always needs someone.” Very sweet. The Doctor finds a secret underground Cyberman factory through a dressing room and the Cybermen come and get him cornered—but in comes Craig to save the day! Or, to get captured and “upgraded” into a Cyberman. Luckily, Craig left the baby with a nice lady in the store and through the security system can hear baby Stormegeddon crying as the Cybermen begin to erase all his emotions. He fights off the Cybermen’s conversion of him THROUGH THE POWER OF FATHERLY LOVE! Yes, love saved the day- but not in a corny way, in a really sweet way. The power of love blows up the Cybermen and the day is saved. All is good- because of love. Craig gives the Doctor a Stetson for his trip to the USA, the Stetson he wore in the beginning and The Doctor leaves.

He stands outside the TARDIS getting ready to go in for his last journey when he sees some kids and says to them, “I am the Doctor, I was here to help and you are very, very welcome.” It should end there but we cut to RIVER! She is looking at eyewitness accounts and playing with her TARDIS diary when- eyepatch lady and THE FUCKING SILENCE come out of the darkness with an ASTRONAUGHT outfit. The next thing River knows, she’s in at the bottom of a lake. Holy.Shit.

From Reel Vixen, 9/28/2011:http://reelvixen.com/?p=843

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About missangst

Culture writer, sketch comedian, breathing person.
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